For one of the first times in my life I have been enjoying being single. And I mean, really single. In fact, I’ve been spending so much time alone I have actually gotten quite comfortable with spending time alone. Eventually, once you get into the groove of getting things done and accomplishing things entirely for yourself you become sort of happy with each and every night you spend alone. In fact, if the wrong girl were to actually come along and step into my activities and affairs now it would actually almost feel like sort of an intrusion.
Of course, that is not to say that the right girl could not come along and change everything. Certainly, there are a few different types of girls out there that are still making me smile on a daily basis. I have also noticed that during the time I have been single is when the most women are stepping up to take charge. It is nice, for once, to finally be pursued.
I do not think my being ‘pursued’ is a coincidence at all, though, and there are a few reasons for that. For one, I have worked tirelessly on myself for years now, especially since getting out of high school. The clothes I wear look nicer, I am almost always well groomed, I have been made significant headway toward graduating with my degree, and I have completed a number of other side projects that make me feel very accomplished for a 22 year old.
As a part of working on myself, I have discovered that there are particular things that really do attract women as well as make me feel happier about just being me. Here are the top ten things to do while being single that have worked very well for me.
1. Make all of the extra dirty, filthy money you can. Yes, it is true. Women cost money. And during the time you are single is one of the best opportunities you have to rake in the extra doe. No dinner to pay for, no anniversary gifts, DEFINITELY no shiny ring, not even extra groceries. And hey, if you find other ways to pass the time, there’s not even a Netflix membership fee. Hooray! So that’s savings, and then there’s all that extra time you have to work extra hours on your business or at your hourly rate job.
2. Work on your body and the women will follow. I have begun to lose track of how many times I have run into old female friends and they all remark “wow, Scott, you’ve lost a LOT of weight!” I was not even fat to begin with but now I am super skinny from eating low carb and doing high intensity, short burst interval training. Of course, my body still lacks perfection. But that is okay – the girls are noticing the effort nonetheless.
3. Make lots of new friends. Truthfully, this may just be one of the most important things you can possibly do and may just belong at #1 on the list. But since money helps you eat and friends do not (all the time, at least), I’ll place it a little lower. Friends are the lifeblood of your social life while you are single and by extension are probably part of the lifeblood of your overall happiness as well. Find people that are just like you who can give you support in all areas of your life. Use sites like facebook.com to find people with similar interests and find a good spot in your city’s local night life to frequent. Be a familiar face in an unfamiliar crowd and overcome any level of shyness you may have.
4. Take up a hobby or give to charity with your time. Especially if you are just coming out of a break up, it is essential to spend your time in a meaningful way besides lounging around the house, picking your nose, or watching movies. Do something that you enjoy and that brings you fulfillment.
5. Get educated in a new subject. Sometimes your opportunity to learn new things goes hand in hand with some of the other items on this list. Tackle different areas of your social skills or learn a new technical trade. I know that for me, following break ups, it is one of the best things that will push me right back to this blog or into working on a new book. For others, it might be learning a new language, taking up a self defense class, or learning how to sky dive. There are a wide range of things to do, get out into the world and experience it!
6. Cut ties with your addictions and vices. If you have an addiction to smoking, cigarettes, sex, alcohol, or anything else – now is a good time to focus on getting your health back together. This could even mean making a new goal and commitment to do away with junk food. Something within your routines is probably messed up. Figure out what it is and work on it. If it takes doing so, start seeing a therapist with cognitive-behavior therapy background and who is a licensed professional counselor (LPC).
7. Give yourself a style makeover. I know it might sound very girlish of me to say but here I am, a guy, and telling other guys here to get style makeovers. Head out to the store and pick up a brand new suit if you are a professional person, buy some new casual clothes for a night out on the town, and use them. Try out and experiment with different looks and test to see what others’ responses are.
8. Work on your career and getting to a place you want to be. This might, in some sense, resemble item #1, but it is a bit different. It is sometimes possible to make a horrendous amount of money without enjoying yourself so be sure you are also working on either getting that next promotion at work or are working on making a new impact in your business or field of study.
9. Figure out what went wrong with past relationships and exactly what you want in the next partner. If you do not yet know what you want, then get everything together and get back to trying again. If you do know then remember not to bother settling for less than what you deserve. Sometimes, figuring out what you want can be as simple as doing a little meditation or sitting down for several minutes to write down what you like and dislike on a sheet of paper. It might seem like common sense or things that are “universal” but believe it or not you may desire things that are remarkably unique in relationships. Single is one of the times to determine what those things are.
10. Flirt. A lot. And create options. Part of being single means that you hold obligations to no one. For this reason, it only makes sense that you should be able to test the waters a bit. Where you can, open the opportunity for shifting the context of different relationships and see how the various candidates respond! For some people this is not fun, but I admit it is one of the best parts of being single for me.
For each one of these categories there are literally countless different books that could be written regarding the different points but all of these have one thing in common – they all have to do with improving yourself and working to become more attractive for that next relationship. I can also understand, following a breakup, needing some time off from relationships. Maybe I am in that category and do not realize it but chances are more likely that I am really just taking more time off from girls because the right one (or ones) has not popped up.
In the mean time, I will enjoy the increased productivity, financial savings, peace of mind, and quiet that goes with the single life. Cheers.
